Hannah

Hannah

There was a man who had 2 wives. One had many sons and daughters whereas the other had none. Hannah desperately wanted children. She went to worship year after year. She still served God. She prayed for a child. I'm sure there were lots of questions and maybe some doubts.

She had to live with another woman who was fertile. She had to live with her as she carried, birthed and cared for the very thing she desired. And this woman TAUNTED her about it.

I have been struggling for a while. I have friends who are adding to their families, some whom I have had infertility heart to hearts with. About how it is hard. About how no one ever really preps you for this. No one talks about it before you are married (at least in my circles). Sometime babies "happen" and sometimes they don't. No one talks about tracking and charting and checking temperatures and cervical fluid. But, out of all the people I have talked to the past little while, I have never had one of these women taunt me. And Hannah was barren for many years so we can assume she was taunted for years as well.

And yet she cries to God. Her prayer was so fervent that she could not speak and was mistaken as a drunk woman. She prayed. That was her reaction. She bent her knees and talked to God.

Now I must admit, I have struggled with my faith. in so many things going wrong I started to question God, His plan and what it meant for me. I stopped praying, I was so angry and saddened. I felt God was so silent. Every time it seemed He blessed us He took SO much away as well.

I remember the first time my sister made it all seem normal. Like I wasn't the only one. It shook my world for a bit. And then speaking with a really good friend about life and loss, I knelt and prayed that day for the first time in a really long time. I prayed about everything. Promises and losses. Struggles. I poured my heart out to my heavenly Father. In it all I felt lead to look at all His promises. To remind myself that He is ever faithful and I am not unique to my situations. There is nothing new under the sun. Ain't that the truth?

So as my journey continues into God's promises to many women in the bible for fertility in particular, I pray the words I read be a comfort to my soul and may the lines for communication to God never be closed for that long again.

With love,
Mandy

Sarah

Borrowed from http://www.ifequip.com/

Fertility

What has really been on my heart all along. 

Jeff and I have been married for over 2 years. We have talked about having kids. And it just seems like so many things in life have told us no before really even trying. Every step in the "right" direction, every small tip toe to some form of financial or life stability and we seem to have a major fallback. 

Many people told us you are never totally ready. So we decided to try. And try. And try. And got a whole lot of nothing. So we figured we didn't maybe really understand when to time things.

So we researched. I have been taking temperatures and tracking and charting. And everything is so unpredictable. We have found a lack of pattern. So I went to the doctor and found out a small amount of information. And now have been referred to a gynecologist. As the date is over a month away I continue to study and pray.

Today my heart has turned to Sarah. She was older and past child bearing years. But God saw fit to give her a son. Not in the way she thought or orchestrated before God told he she would have a child. She had Abraham sleep with her slave Hagar. She used her own means to produce the heir she thought Abraham needed. God appeared later and promised her a son of her own. 

When Abraham had been told Sarah would have a son, she laughed. She was doubtful of God's promises. Sometimes I feel the same way. Doubtful.Like we'll never figure this out. Like we'll always be childless. But nothing is impossible with God. Its one thing I must remember daily. 

Pray for me friends.

~Mandy